I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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