But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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