my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
