Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Randomize
