Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
