What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
