gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
