That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
