Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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