How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
