remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just gift wrapped bread.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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