Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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