i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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