Christians are straight up FREAKS
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
