shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize