dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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