oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
