I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
