I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
