Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
