Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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