Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
