Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
