Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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