I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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