Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
