Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize