Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
