So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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