Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
