he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
