today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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