I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
