so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
