I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
