I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I look better un-naked...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
