you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
