I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
