Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
