Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I got inside last night via doggy door
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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