even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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