smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
