If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
