I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
