My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
