i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
