Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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