I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize