i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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