So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
