I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
