I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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