I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
