i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
