She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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