My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
