Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
