My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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