All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize