you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
