Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
