I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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