My balls are so social today.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Alive.
So much puke
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
