i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
