There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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