Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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