no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
