I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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