omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
