If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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