Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
