dude i'm inner monologue high
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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