So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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