xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
