I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
