I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
