remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
