bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
