Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
