I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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