Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
