just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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