some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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