I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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