his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
