If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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