It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
