pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
