is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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