Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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