great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
