it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I enjoy the company of your penis
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
