You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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