I want to make a zoo with you.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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