I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
