You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
