There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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