You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
