Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
