Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
