yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
