hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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