I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
