is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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