The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
