New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
